Welcome to Hogwarts, Captain Sparrow!
by Darkfire1
Summary: A homework assignment goes awry, but it could prove to be beneficial. The assigment: to interview one of Hogwarts many portraits and write an essay on their life for History. The painting: none other than Captain Jack Sparrow.
1. Of Geises and Pirates

_Disclaimer: Neither Harry Potter nor Pirates of the Caribbean belongs to me. I'm just takin' 'em out fer a spin. _

A/N: To Demoncat4, and to quote Jack, "Sorry. Couldn't resist, mate." *grin* 

I wrote this chapter between 2 and 3 a.m. so please tell me if I've made any obvious mistakes. 

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OF GEISES AND PIRATES or WHY YOU SHOULDN'T FOOL AROUND WITH THE SHAMAN'S DAUGHTER

It was Harry Potter's seventh and final year as a student at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, and as such he was hip deep in homework. This year he would not only have to deal with the normal insanity that had followed him around like a little lost puppy ever since he had first crossed the threshold of the ancient castle, but N.E.W.T.s as well. They were the hardest tests that the Board of Governors could come up with, and a bloody annoyance when he was in the middle of trying to prepare for a coming war! There was no doubt any longer that Voldemort was only waiting long enough for his loyal followers' children to graduate before he attacked the school and attempted to level it, and Harry as well. 

And yet, he didn't want to stop doing normal things. If he just gave up on school and concentrated solely on Voldemort, it would seem like he'd allowed the bastard to change something in him. Harry wasn't about to give him that satisfaction, so he plodded through the exhausting process of getting ready for the two final showdowns, one with his enemy and the other with his education. 

Currently, Harry was wandering the alls of the ancient edifice, searching the faces in the moving portraits for someone at least halfway interesting to write his History essay on. He was hardly the only one, of course. The entire senior class had the same assignment, but with the numbers of paintings in the castle, he still managed to be alone in this particular coridoor when he noticed a certain painting in a very dark corner of the hallway just above the Slytherin dungeons. 

He was a pirate. That much was obvious. But there was something strange about him, something that drew Harry to him as nothing ever had. Just as Harry recognized the light touch of a mild geis, it was gone, its purpose having evidently been spent in bringing him directly in front of the portrait. The pirate smirked at him. "Well now. Isn't this just interesting." 

Harry turned a confused eye on him. "Excuse me, but what's interesting?" 

"The fact that you can see me, lad. See, I've been trapped in this scrap of sail cloth and paint for a very long time, and the thing was cursed so that only one person could ever get me out of it" He looked at the boy in front of him. "Looks like you're it." 

Harry groaned. "What is it with me and magical obligations!?" First Voldemort marking him as an infant to be his equal, then the Goblet of Fire, and now this. He sighed. "So what do I have to do?" 

The pirate shrugged. "Nothin' so harsh, mate. The debt is mine, not yours. All you have to do is touch the frame and I'll be loose, and bound to help ye in whatever fight it is yer involved with." 

Harry cocked his head at the pirate. "I could leave you there, if that's what you'd prefer. I wouldn't want you to be forced into a fight that isn't your responsibility." Lord knew he'd had enough of people doing that to him, he couldn't do it to another. 

But the buchaneer shook his head violently. "Now don't you go all noble on me, and certainly no for that reason! See, if you don't let me out, then no one ever will! You are the only one who can. It's not a bad life in here, I'll grant you, but it's ruddy boring! I'm a pirate, lad, a man of action! And all I've done for the last two hundred and seventy-five years is sit on this beach drinking rum. Elizabeth would be so disappointed!" He put a hand to his forehead in an affeminate way and made as if to swoon. 

Harry chuckled at his antics, then considered the pirate's words. Something was missing from this story. "So, first off, what do I call you?" 

The man straightened and said, "Captain Jack Sparrow, of the pirate ship the _Black Pearl._" He swept his hat off his head and bowed jauntily. "At yer service, lad." 

Harry grinned. "Harry Potter. So what did you do and to whom to get yourself in this mess in the first place?" 

Jack put the hat back on his head, using the motion to cover the slight blush on the bridge of his nose. "I had a bit of a run in with the Shaman of this little trie of natives in Spanish Florida." 

One of the other portraits in the hall snorted, looking up at Jack as his frame was a bit lower on the wall than that of the pirate. "Don't you mean with his daughter, Sparrow?" 

Jack glared at the old busybody. "Shut it, you! Mind yer business!" He sighed and turned back to Harry. "Bloke's right, though. The old man didn't care for his girl to be mixin' with the likes of me. I took off runnin' but they caught me. He was a might stronger than most o' the wizards I seen runnin' 'round here. He rifled through all the things I'd brough ashore with me, and he foudn this painting that Elizabeth had done for me of a certain little island that I knew too well. She only gave it to me to torture me anyway. The old man got this crazy look on his face and grabbed me by the neck. I blacked out and the next thing I know, I've woken up on this God-forsaken beech with nothing but an endless supply of rum, turtles and coconuts. And there was this little window floating in the air to let anyone look into the painting and me to look out. The old man explained what he'd done and then laughed his head off and tossed this thing into the deapths of the sea." 

"How'd you end up here?" 

Jack shook his head. "I don't actually know the answer to that. All I do know is, one day I looked out an' saw kids instead of fish. And there was a couple of doors, now, as well. Here I'm thinkin' maybe the old man screwed it a bit, but they only led to other paintings." He sighed. "At least I had some company." 

"What's the rest of the geis?" Harry knew that there had to be something else. Jack had known instantly that Jarry was the one who could free him. 

"The Shaman said that there might come a day in the future when someone needed help that only I could give 'em. Other than that person, no living human can see me. They don't even see the picture frame. The ghosts can see me, an' I think Mrs. Morris does, though she ignores me. Annoying feline!" Harry snorted. "Anyway, other than that, it's the portraits and you. That's how I knew yer the one wot needs me help." 

Harry thought about the whole concept. He knew that these things never happened without a reason, especially not in this place. If Jack Sparrow could help him somehow in his fight with Voldemort, he really wanted to let him out. _Think, Harry. He's a pirate. How can he help you?_ Suddenly it came to him. "Could you teach me to fight? You know, in the Muggle way?" 

Jack grinned, knowing he'd won. "O' course, mate! Scrappin's one o' those things a pirate does best!" 

Harry nodded. "All right then. I'll have to ask the headmaster, but if he'll allow it, I'll let you out. Besides, two hundred and seventy-five years seems a very long sentence for one infraction, even for a pirate." With that Harry turned down the hall to seek out Professor Dumbledore. 

Jack's grin didn't go away as he watched Harry go. Happier than he'd been in a century, he started dancing around on the beach, singing. "Yo ho! Yo ho! A pirate's life for me!" 

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_This has been swimming around in my head for a while, and it just won't leave me alone. I don't know about regular updates on this one, though. This was about all that I had in my head. I'll figure out the rest later. (I know, Demoncat, I've got way too much going on, but I couldn't sleep again last night. Go fig.) _


	2. Of War and Homework

_Disclaimer: See chapter 1. _

A/N: This is actually becoming rather fun! Enjoy! 

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OF WAR AND HOMEWORK or HOW TO PISS OFF SNAPE IN TEN SECONDS OR LESS

Harry found Professor Dumbledore just as he was coming out of his office. Glad that he wouldn't have to try and figure out which candy the old man was using for a password this week, he rushed over to him. "Professor Dumbledore!" 

Dumbledore looked up, surprised. "Yes, Harry?" 

"Professor, I've found something while I was working on my History essay." He quickly explained about Jack. "I told him I couldn't do it without your permission though. It's your school." 

"Well, I thank you for that Harry. Captain Sparrow souds like an interesting character, to say the least. Perhaps I should meet him." The twinkle in Dumbledore's eye suggested that he knew something, but Harry knew better than to call him on it. 

Harry led the headmaster down the hall where Jack's portrait hung. "Will you be able to see him now, since that part of the geis has been met?" 

Albus shook his head. "I don't believe so, Harry. However, since I still wish to meet Captain Sparrow, you will simply have to release him from his confinement." 

Harry smiled, knowing exactly what the elderly wizard had up his sleeve. Since he had specifically requested that Harry do as he had, all blame for this, should any be necessary, was placed squarely on the headmaster's shoulders rather than Harry's. No matter that the painting would have had its way eventually, it could have caused trouble, but Dumbledore headed it off with ease. 

Harry said nothing, simply nodding in acknowledgement. He turned to Jack. "Well, you heard the man." Harry touched the frame of the painting causing it to release its prisoner. Jack had already gone back to the beach and grabbed his effects, which were comprised of his belt, pistol and sword, as well as a heavy-weather cloak that he'd never needed, so he didn't have to hold the party up at all. As the window lost its solidity, the pirate leapt through, not willing to risk the painting changing its mind. 

Jack stood up on firm stone for the first time in nearly three centuries. He tipped his hat to the old wizard in front of him. "Jack Sparrow, at yer service, Headmaster." 

"Actually, at Harry's service, if I'm not mistaken." The old man's eyes were twinkling again, but for some reason Jack didn't distrust him. That was amazing in itself, as a pirate often had little to gain by trusting any kind of authority figure. "We will have to find som accomodations for you, Captain, and as this is a school, I will have to ask that you leave your pistol behind in those quarters. You may, however, retain any bladed weaponry you may be carrying. As you have agreed to instruct Harry in matters of self defense, you will be granted status as a professor. I may ask you to teach a few others, as well, though not many." 

Jack nodded. "Good. Then we have an accord." 

"Welcome to Hogwarts, Captain Sparrow." 

* * *

Before lunch time, Dumbledore had done several things to ensure that things would be ready when Jack had to teach his class. They found an empty classroom which had teacher's quarters attached to it, and Jack made a list of things he thought he would need for the class. Dumbledore told him that the class would be held three times a week, Monday, Wednesday and Friday at 4:00 in the afternoon. "And should you find that you enjoy teaching, I'll see what I can do about hiring you permanently starting next year, but that will be up to you." 

Jack sat on the edge of his desk and shook his head in amusement. "What would Will and Elizabeth think of me, plyin' an honest trade?" He sighed. "Though I doubt that the seas have grown friendlier to pirates since I've been gone." 

Albus shook his head. "I'm afraid not. The seas are not nearly as free as they were in your time." 

"So what good am I, then? All I've ever been is a pirate. I can't see bein' a teacher for the rest of m' life." 

Albus smiled. "I'm sure we will find something for you to do once this war is over. Meanwhile, I believe that we could most deffinitely use your help in a tactical capacity, not only in teaching the younger ones to defend themselves, but in battle strategy. We need every advantage we can get. If that's agreeable?" 

Jack smiled. "Sounds good." 

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Lunch became quite an affair. Rumors of a new teacher and a new subject had already spread like wildfire over the entire student body. The Great Hall was buzzing like a swarm of insects by the time Harry got sat down. Hermione jumped on him first thing. "Where have you been?! You just disappeared after Binns sent us out after portraits. Did you find one you could use?" 

Grinning at her guarolousness, Harry said, "Yes I found one, and that's where I've been. It's a very interesting story. I suppose you've heard by now that there's a new teacher here?" She and Ron, who had turned to listen to their conversation, nodded. "Well he's the man who was in the painting I found." Then he proceeded to tell them the entire story. 

Ron shook his head in bewilderment. "Only you, Harry." 

Harry nodded. "I know. Still this can only benefit us. And he's funny! I promise, if Dumbledore puts you in this class, you'll enjoy it." 

Hermione cocked her head thoughtfully. "Do you know who Dumbledore intends to put in this class?" 

Harry shook his head. "No. No idea, other than myself." 

The food arried, and still there was no sign of eiter Jack or Dumbledore, until just at the very end of the meal. Dumbledore took his seat at the center of the teachers' table and Jack took the only empty chair at the Slytherin end of the table. Professor Snape looked at the pirate closely, and before even one word could be said by anyone, he had stood up. "How did this pirate get here?!" 

Albus chuckled. "I take it you know of Captain Sparrow?" 

Snape nodded, never taking his eyes off Sparrow. "My family has had holdings in the Caribbean since the time it was a British colony. One of my ancestors was a Comodore in the British Navy. He was hounded by this man whenever they met at sea." 

Narrowing one eye and leaning forward a bit, Jack got a better look at the man in front of him. "That wouldn't be Comodore Norrington, would it?" 

Glaring, Snape said, "It would." 

"Ah. Well, let me explain a few things to you, then. It was Norrington that hounded _my_ ship, or we'd never have met at sea in the first place. But he hated pirates in general and me in particular, mostly 'cause I kept winning. I believe that there were four ships to bear the name _Interceptor_ because he gave me any choice but to destroy them. I never picked a fight with that man, not even once, but he saw it as his duty to blow every pirate out of the water, and I was the worst one in his eyes. And that little feud happened because I enabled Will Turner and Miss Elizabeth to get hitched instead of her marrying him. Not that she was too young for him or anythin'." He shrugged eloquently, seemingly unaffected by Snape. "After all, what's twelve years." 

Snape growled at Sparrow, but Dumbledore intervened. "That will be quite enough, gentlemen. Please refrain from arguing in front of the children." 

Sparrow grinned. "Of course, Headmaster. To answer your original question, I've actually been in this castle for about two and a half centuries, but no living humans could see me. All I've had for company is the ghosts and the paintings. I was just recently paroled, as it were." 

Snape narrowed his eyes at the pirate, but said nothing. 

Once lunch was over with, Dumbledore had McGonagall tap her goblet to get everyone's attention. "Thank you, Minerva. Everyone, I have a couple of anouncements. Beginning next Monday, there will be a new class, which will be attended by a few selected members of each House, called Self Defense. This is a non-magical class which will teach you hand-to-hand combat and swordplay. It will be taught by Captain Jack Sparrow, formerly of the _Black Pearl_, which I'm afraid has most likely not survived the centuries. The class will be held on Monday, Wednesday and Friday at 4:00 in the after noon. If you are to attend, you will recieve an owl with tomorrow's mail with the location of the classroom." 

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_Reviews please! _


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